Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
One.
The ball drops and fireworks. Resolutions are made. People
scream and people kiss and is it possible to change? Is it really truly
possible to leave the past behind?
Welcome to Midnight.
Another year comes to a close. Another year begins. With a
moment in between. Why the fuss? Why the fame and fireworks? Is it more than
hype? More than something else to sell us? Is there something to this holiday?
Something true inside it?
Because isn’t there something inside us that aches for
change…
Dreams it to be possible…
To let go.
To hold on.
To leave it behind.
To start again.
To be new.
Is it possible?
Midnight and we’re new.
Midnight and the past erased.
Midnight and we’re free.
Welcome to Midnight.
As midnight approaches, I find myself faced with the
questions of the past year, and the promises of the new one. Like everyone, I
have a love/hate relationship with New Year’s… Like everyone, I anticipate that
single moment—11:59, and then, and then…12:00. 60 seconds and poof…2013 is over
and 2014 is staring me dead in the face.
But maybe I’m not ready to say goodbye to 2013. Maybe I’m
not ready to be new. Maybe I’m not ready to erase the past. I want to grab 2013
by the balls and hold on for dear life.
I made some wonderful friends. I let go of some
less-than-wonderful ones. I reconnected with some more-than-wonderful ones. I
started seeing a therapist and am feeling much better at the end of 2013 than I
was feeling at the beginning.
2013 has been an amazing year for me. I’ve grown so much,
especially in my writing.
Goodness my writing. The beginning of 2013, I had a bunch of
eggs (novel ideas), some of whom thought they were ready to hatch and leap out
of the nest, but one project in particular surprised me.
While reflecting on a darker time in my life, I wrote out a
seven page story. It was about a young girl who was in love with her best
friend, trusted him implicitly, and she wanted to take a step and make their
relationship official. Little did she know, this step would send her off a
proverbial cliff and into a downward spiral of epic proportions. In a drunken
stupor, he took advantage of her, and left her nearly broken.
This story would later be shared with one of my closest
friends, Katelyn, who encouraged the story idea. This story became the prologue
to Losing Me.
I have been writing for 9 years—I only began writing novels
6 years ago. For 6 years, I’ve been assaulted with idea after idea after idea,
only to start a novel and never finish it. When I began Losing Me on July 1,
2013, I didn’t think it would become anything.
As I talked to Katelyn—honestly, I remember this
conversation clear as day—she told me that the prologue gave her goosebumps. I
don’t know if anyone understands the effect those words had on me because of
the fact that Katelyn doesn’t read. SHE DOESN’T FUCKING READ AND MY WORDS GAVE
HER GOOSEBUMPS.
I took those words to heart, because only I, my younger
sister, my therapist, and now Katelyn, understand why writing this story was so
important to me. I was molested when I was seven years old, and I’ve carried
that weight around for thirteen years, unsure of how to let it go.
But as I wrote that prologue, as I created Nickayla Quinn
and her story, I was letting go of mine. I was finding myself as I helped
Nickayla heal. I knew, from that initial conversation with Kate, that this was
a story that I had to tell.
And I struggled.
Dear God, did I struggle. I remember Katelyn bugging me incessantly
for the first chapter of Losing Me, but I wasn’t able to give it to her until
almost two months later. I wrote it, and re-wrote it, and re-wrote it, and re-wrote
it, all the while crying, screaming, and agonizing over it because I wanted to
do my story and Nickayla’s—and anyone who was taken advantage of by someone
that they trusted—justice. I would NOT give Katelyn, or anyone, a less than
perfect chapter, or a less than perfect representation of the damage done when you
trust someone and they break that trust.
And yet here I am, months later, pushing through it. It gets
easier to write Nickayla’s story. It gets easier to let go of mine.
I’m almost 90% done with Losing Me. I’m planning to hit Publish
in April. I have another series in the works, and two standalone novels—all of
which deal with subjects equally as difficult as rape. I’ve got an author page
on Facebook with over 400 likes. Over 400 people are interested in my writing. Over
400 people want to read my work, want to read my story—and that’s not including
my extensive family and all of my friends.
In April of 2014, I’ve got to take Losing Me, my baby bird,
and kick it out of the nest to see if it can fly.
This year has been such a good one for me. Bad things
happened, sure, but so did a lot of good things. I’m not ready to let go of
this year yet, because I’ve never felt so alive. I’ve never felt so whole. I’ve
never felt so…fulfilled.
I’m reaching my dream and that has me jumping for joy,
wanting to scream from the rooftops and tell everyone how much I love them,
because this hasn’t been a singular effort. They say it takes a village to
raise a child?
Guess what? It also takes a village to make someone’s dream
come true.
To Katelyn, who seriously was the person who made me
continue this story, THANK YOU. You will never know how much your words shaped
this story, and how much dedication, blood, sweat, and tears I’ve put into it.
Welcome to Midnight, because I am going to be bugging you nonstop about Losing
Me in the new year. (Also, the lovely Kate is gracing the cover of one of my
WIPs, Never Let Me Go, releasing in August 2014, God-willing).
To Ashley, my writing buddy, the person who lets me talk her
ear off for days on end about writing, books, and even the most random shit in
the world, THANK YOU. Your partnership, dedication, and assistance has been
unmatched. Welcome to Midnight, because this is FAR from over! (Ashley will be
publishing her first book, Dandelion Me, in May of 2014).
To my lovely Betas, Danielle, Katelyn, Sandra, Jennifer,
Amber, Yarida, and Ashley, seriously, you all are the best. Your enthusiasm,
dedication, love, and support for this project has honestly moved me to TEARS.
You all truly are Colin’s biggest fans, and I don’t know what I’d do without
you. Welcome to Midnight, because if you love Losing Me, you’ll DEFINITELY love
what comes next. Don’t hop off the roller coaster yet, ladies!
To my best friend Elizabeth, who has known me for years and
never fails to ask how my writing is going, THANK YOU. Thank you for telling me
that one day in that one text message, “You better not stop writing!” Who knew
five words could change everything so much. Welcome to Midnight, because I’m
sure I’m going to need lots more of those texts in the coming year.
To my little sister Jade, who leaves me alone for hours on
end and understands completely when I need time to myself to get writing done,
THANK YOU. Thank you for supporting me, for telling me when something is too
boring, or when that one sentence doesn’t belong in that place, or when I need
to name a character something different (you are WAY better than a baby name
site). Welcome to Midnight. You’re kind of stuck with me until one of us dies.
To my family, most notably Yesenia, Amber (double mentions,
of course), Selena (who commented on my first status about Nickayla, saying she
couldn’t wait to read the new story), Nina (who is seriously the most
misunderstood person in my entire family who I don’t know as well as I’d like
to, can give a pep talk like no other, and listens better than anyone I know),
Tia Patsy, Tia Phyllis (who told me when I was 15 that I needed to write
everything down), and even Nylaya, who are seriously the best cousins and Tia’s
any person could ever ask for, THANK YOU. You all give me endless laughs, tears
(most times from laughing), and memories that help me get through the rough
days. Welcome to Midnight. Seriously, keep doing what you’re doing.
To my friends, Maria (my book best friend and the one person
who will tell me if my MMC is a Mary Sue, who will not rest until I finish that
book, Quinn—which now needs a new name—, and who is now dabbling in writing
herself), Alessandra, Kacey (this girl is a goddamn SAINT, I kid you not),
CyChristi (also a saint), Salvador (there just aren’t enough words in the English
language to tell you how thankful I am for you), Sarah (who has a namesake in
Losing Me and never failed to accept my aggravatingly long text messages as I shared
with her a story idea I had every time one struck lol), Amber J., Jessica (who
told me she hopes my books become bigger hits than Twilight LOL), Apryl, Nicole
F. (funniest person on Facebook EVER), and Shirley (I’ve sent her pieces of my
writing since like middle school I think haha), THANK YOU. I’m sure I missed a
bunch of people here, but Welcome to Midnight. You probably don’t even know
what I’m thanking you for, but thank you for being you, because I cherish every
single one of you more than you know.
To my favorite teacher in high school, Mrs. Cambria D’Amico-Wu,
who accepted me into her AP English Language class, pushed me to get off my
cell phone and actually do my work, who decided to start a creative writer’s
club with us, who encouraged my writing at every turn, THANK YOU. I will
forever be indebted to you for everything you’ve done for me as a student and
as a writer. Welcome to Midnight. I hope to share all my progress and success
with you for years to come.
To my big sisters, Lanita and Flora, for being the best big
sisters anyone could ask for, for always asking when I’m coming to visit, for
reaching out to me when I’m being a hermit, and for telling me that you’re
proud of me (seriously, I take those words to heart EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.),
THANK YOU. Welcome to Midnight. We have a long road ahead of us, girls.
To my grandma, who took me in when I was 14 and needed a
fresh start, never bothered me when I spent hours on end at her computer
writing, bought me my first flash drive (I wish I still had it for sentimental
value, but my dog chewed that to pieces), bought me the book that changed my
life, Les Miserables, put up with my…eclectic music taste, and never asked for
her laptop back when I would take it in the middle of the night, writing until
6 am while drinking numerous bottles of Starbucks Frappuccino’s , THANK YOU. I
honestly feel sorry for everyone else because I’ve got the best grandma in the
world. Welcome to Midnight, because I’ve gotten worse. I write for even MORE
hours. I drink even MORE coffee. You thought the book Les Miserables was huge?
There’s a movie musical now that I watch AT LEAST three times a week. My music
taste has gotten even MORE eclectic. Just wait until next summer. You’ll see.
To my parents, Curtis and Debbie Simon, who, as far as I know,
neither of you have a single creative bone in your body, but happened to create
me, with more creative bones than I will ever need, THANK YOU. I wouldn’t be
here without you. Welcome to Midnight, because, well, I’m kinda stuck with you
guys (I kid, I kid. Lol).
Last but not least, to the Indie community, (particularly
Tasha Gwartney, Kyla Grabowski, Cassandra Janey, Dani Hart, and Danielle
Taylor), THANK YOU. Thank you for embracing me, sharing my page, for talking
with me about writing, and overall just showing me how KICK-ASS the Indie
writing community is and how you don’t need a traditional contract to share
your story with the world. Welcome to Midnight. This journey is far from over.
As I bring this annoyingly long blog post to a close, I’m
STILL not ready to welcome the New Year. I’m still not ready for Midnight. But I’m
welcoming it because as AMAZING as 2013 was, 2014 is going to be even BETTER.
I love every single one of you that are mentioned in this
post more than you will ever know or imagine. I can’t wait to continue this
journey with you.
Welcome to Midnight. Welcome to 2014.
